Finding You
When I was pregnant with my eldest daughter, I always knew that I was carrying within the greatest love story of my life.
But to my surprise, and as clueless as I was, my raging hormones and fatigue had me crying frequently for no reason. I clutched my newborn in my arms with so much fear, sadness and physical pain.
Ahmm, hello motherhood? What is this? I thought it would all be joy, and bliss and tender moments. But instead, my heart was tender, my mind cloudy and I felt…alone. But in the next few days, it really was clear to me: I will not be living for myself anymore. I am needed more than ever, and I am responsible for such a big, big thing that is greater than anything ever in my life.
Motherhood is indeed the most beautiful thing, don’t get me wrong. I am not writing this to be discouraging nor to express hatred. Instead, I am expressing how motherhood is so complex, and all emotions and experience that we go through are valid. It is normal for it to be hard, confusing and yes…sometimes lonely.
For sure, in subtle ways, and without us noticing, layers of ourselves gets stripped year after year, and you realize, you are becoming less and less of the person you once were.
And that is not necessarily a bad thing. I mean, when I became a mom, I also discovered my love for baking, food photography and yoga. I grew a blog that is now my full time career out of my desire to stay at home with my kids, and not work for anyone anymore.
For sure, in the hustles and bustles of everyday, I often find myself coping with mom burnout and lately I have been feeling this disconnection and isolation as a WAHM.
It is funny sometimes that you get to long periods of being busy, busy , busy, and then a sudden space opens up and you are somehow free- you don’t know what to do with yourself anymore.
Months ago, I went to consult an ob-gyne and of course, I had to answer questions about myself. I had to talk about myself. And boy it ever felt so strange talking about… myself. Not about my kids. Not about the household. But myself. Another adult person is actually inquiring about me, and needs to know in depth details about me. Ha! How different that feels. Parenthood is a big shift.
Finding You in Motherhood ( Parenthood)
One thing that always bring me peace is the knowing that life is a flow. Life is a series of seasons. Hard thing are not sustained, just like the rainstorms, strong winds and earthquakes.
So when life seems to become an endless routine, when everyone and everything seems to need you more and more, remember that it is always just a season. Know that when you ask yourself who am I? You will always find yourself deep within.
What were your desires, passions and what brings you joy? Visit them from time to time. What inspires you? Finding you is vital for your joy, and the joy of those around you.
Sure enough, when I do not take time to connect with who I am, I become a resentful, burnt out person. Do not wait for time. I believe that sprinkles of what you love amidst every season is what makes life happy.
Yes, being a parent is hard and that’s okay. Yes, this stage is demanding, and taking care of yourself is okay. Finding you is okay.
Ease into being there for YOU, and you will be surprised to even know a version of you that you have not known before. Being a parent does not stop, but so must being yourself too.
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