Parenting Thoughts: Our Kids Emotions Need More Validation Instead of Correction

This morning on my desk, I suddenly caught a memory in my mind of my eldest child sighing in exasperation after I have just scolded her for not acting more like an elder sister and be more considerate of her younger sibling.

I mean, this did really happen, and I remember feeling so bad and realizing that I was too hard on her, and that she was still adjusting. Each time this memory makes it way back to my mind, it makes me very sad and guilty.

My eldest daughter is my first precious one, and I could not understand how having more kids after the very special first one can somehow rattle that foundation. Add mom burnout to the scene, and sleepless new born sibling days, it could somehow cloud everything.

Well as cliché as it may seem, if I could turn back time, if we could re-live those days when she was little, young and bubbly, I would scoop her up, stand by in all of her emotions as she deals with suddenly having to grow with a sibling by her side.

Having another one to mess with her things, her toys, her space- those things were new and a challenge for her. I saw them as something that needs to be corrected or straightened out. I know for a fact now, that eventually, she will, on her own manage and adapt to having a sibling without so much intervention from us. And she did.

I realize this now as I am beginning to see my inclination to keep correcting my second child, as she now deals with a sibling younger than her. As she deals with new emotions about so many things everyday: jealousy, embarrassment, fear. I do not need to correct this as much as I need to validate them.

All of their emotions are valid. All experiences, difficulties and challenges, no matter how small I may have considered them to be- they are big, and they matter. It is all about knowing how can they cope in a healthy way.

This reminds me of this beautiful clip from a Sadhguru interview on how he encourages parenting. This is so profound I found myself just melting into this idea. We do not raise children, we step back most of the times, and watch them grow.

This also reminds me of an article I wrote way back to Just BE. That not all things need corrections. And not everyday needs to be a day of finishing task and accomplishing something.

Be Easy on Ourselves

The thing with being a parent, is that it is so easy to blame ourselves for being too hard, or for doing it wrong, or for not being perfect. When in fact, we are all doing this parenting thing for the first time, and there is not one fixed knowledge that encompasses the solution for each and every challenges in raising children.

So just as we must not be hard on our kids as they are living all these for the first time, we must also be forgiving of ourselves because actually, we are all learning along the way.

So I was brought to write this today by a heavy pang of emotion that seem to have fallen to my chest out of the blue, and the everyday sight I see of my eldest daughter growing, changing and becoming less and less of the little girl I have held oh so tenderly.

But I guess what I really wanted to tell myself today is that-It is okay. Sometimes, it is easy to remember the times when we are wrong, and to forget all the times that we did it right. Also it is almost a fact that we judge ourselves so easily.

To More Beautiful Memories

• Parenting is a journey, and this glimpse of the past has nothing to do with what the memories we are building now. And the love I have for all my children will always be the strongest guiding light in ushering them in this world. All are learning. And all are loved.
• What parenting flashbacks make you sad or guilty? Do you have one? If so, know that it is okay. Your emotions are valid as well. And we are all learning.